Boys will be..toxic

I don't understand boys. I think they are gross.

I'm not quite sure how I ever started thinking that boys were good for anything. I'm pretty sure there is a great conspiracy to spike milk cartons with some sort of female blinding agent in all Middle School cafeterias across the nation. I have been married for almost 13 years, have a 12 year old son AND I still am amazed at the disgusting and embarrassing things they do. If I would have only known then what I know now.

Last Thursday night I was in the mood for Pancakes & Bacon for dinner. I believe Breakfast food tastes even better when its served during traditinoal non-breakfast hours. I think its the rebellious side of me......OMG we are having Little Sizzlers after 11am....close the blinds and turn the lights down everyone! So I flip 6 pancakes onto a plate and take it to the table for Brendon to start eating, I walk back to the kitchen, all of 5 steps, grab the plate of bacon, turn around, 5 steps back, and only 3 pancakes left....Im NOT exaggerating. He had picked up the pancakes, rolled them like a tortilla, dragged it thru the syrup, and shoved it in. No Fork, No napkin, syrup everywhere, and then says, "ME WANT MORE" with pancake chunks & syrup dripping out of the corners of his mouth .UHG! I have taught you manners! You're wife is going to HATE me!

Later, dishes done, syrup wiped off the table, chair,wall and ceiling, we are downstairs watching the tube and Shane rips one. This was no accident, this is a nightly planned event. Shane is quite dramatic when it comes the release of bodily gases. He pulls off his blanket, leans like the eiffel towel, raises his leg, squints and pushes. Its LOUD, all the time...very Loud. It's digusting! I bury my nose in my blanket, and hear the same thing, every time, the same line..."Honey did you hear that?" My sister in Florida could hear that. Poor Mrs. Helen next door is assuring her half deaf husband that they must just be blasting at the mines again. What does he think I dont hear him? What is the response to this? Am I suppose to rate it? "That ones an 8 honey, make it jucier sounding if you want a higher score". Then like a broken record..."Can you smell it". Ummm... "yeah". I'm already on my way to get the protective masks out of the bathroom cupboard, but I cant because Brendon is coming out of there looking relieved, spraying my Yankee candle Buttercream air freshner and proclaiming "You dont want to go in there for a few hours Mom" GEEZ! Yankee Candle does not have the ability to cover up your nasty butt smell! I open the window to let fresh air in, search for the Lysol, and hear them downwstairs arguing on who smells the worse. "Mom.....dad says his fart made you throw up a little in your mouth....go smell the bathroom and tell me if mines worse".

I cant win
Whats a girl to do?